Em van khong hieu gi ca.. :|
Gan day em gap mot con trai rat thong minh, anh ay rat vui, noi nhieu lam, lam viec nhieu lam.. Khi em noi chuyen voi anh ay thi em rat vui, em khong nho ve van de.. chi co cuoi to nhat
Nhung em co nguoi yeu, em co tinh yeu.. em ko the lam nhu vay, phai xong nay, eh…..
em phai lam gi? :((
Em van khong hieu gi ca.. :|
Sao em ko hieu anh ay? < day la cau hoi quan trong nhat trong cuoc song cua em :| eh… sao sao sao? Em mong la tren tuong lai em se biet ma.. Em mong la sau em se co cuoc song that tot. Seriously… :(((
Anh co yeu em ko? That yeu em ko? Vi em ko biet nua.. em ko biet anh la ai…Sao lam cho em buon wa, sao lam cho em tuc gian hang ngay.. lam cho em khoc nhieu lam.. Em muon cuoi to!! Eh :(((
my life is broken :(
nothing is good.. nothing is in right place now :|
i’m trying to fix everything, i’m trying alone, and i’m not good in it at all. Who can help me? I guess nobody can, cuz the person who should be involved it that fixing is simply falling apart, he’s drowning in deepest black pessimistic hole.. He’s down there and I’m here, trying to get everything back.
I thought that maybe when i see him, we will be on the rainbow again. We’d be happy, cheerful, just laughing at everything, at every past problem. But now, when we can’t really meet at all, i’m alone with that. I don’t know what he’s thinking because he’s always telling me “nothing”. I was fighting with that, really hard trying to get him say something more, but now i know that is useless. I’m not gonna fight with the wind, i’m not gonna fight with ghosts, cuz i know i will fail. Is that game already over? Is that true that i’m not good in love at all? I always thought that long distance relationships are better for me, because everytime when i was dating any guy who was living near me, that relationship was ending too soon. And maybe long distance was longer because i couldn’t really see the guy too often? So that is my fault? Maybe that is. Maybe i’m the reason why everybody are acting like that, hahahaaaa……
My life is full of failures. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… laughing at me is really wrong… xD
i’m just feeling useless, extremly useless..~ i can’t feel happiness or love :( i can’t think positive:( i can’t look at him and feel love :(((((
what should i do?:(
i want to love him.. i want to be with him forever.. but at this time i’m trapped in some strange situation and my mind state is killing me. why am i a suicider? gossshhh…
i don’t want to break up with him..:|
I want to express myself somehow, but don’t really know how to do it. When I’m angry and sad i prefer to listen really noisy music, where someone is shouting and guitar is really hard…
I thank God people invent hard rock :D
aaaaa >< em ko hieu con trai ><
Seriously, when there is a problem there should be some disscusion about it, right? But there’s not… He’s just shutting down, telling me to leave him alone, and i’m alone also, crying like hell because i don’t know what to do……………………………………………………
How hard it can be when you think that you know everything, but in fact you can’t even understand the person you love…
After so many days, weeks, months.. I thought that he’s different than all asian boys I’ve already met, that he’s more like ‘my boy’ who understand me.. but now it’s slowly falling apart. I’m not saying that is a bad thing, that is just unexpecting. I thought he’s very strong, he’s my hero, who will be cheering me up. Finally.. strangely I was always this person, who had to cheer up everyone else. Having him gave me a lot of strenght, that I will do it, I will be stronger, I can make it…
But now it’s not what i thought. He’s crushing.. he’s breaking.. he’s sad and hopeless, making me suffer a lot. I know what that means, I know a lot about seeing my beloved person suffering alone, when I try to make him happy, but it doesn’t work. How can I do it all over again? How can I find myself that power to be a super hero again?
Love should gave me that power. And I expect it to appears.
I don’t want to lose him. Once I’ve lost my big love, and I won’t lose my biggest love again.. not anymore. Life is too short for making stupid mistakes, my life is too experienced to make that mistake all over again. Because I once couldn’t make it, couldn’t show my boy that he’s strong enough to love me.. Now it will be different, and I will have my happy happy ending.
My boy is just confused, it must be hard situation for him, because he has no experience in that matter. These kind of relationship is tiring a lot. Especially when he’s own life situation is not so clear. He has to deal with his family problems, making hard choices, and of course he’s missing his gf.. That can bring a big pain to anyone. I know that, I understand that. My situation is not that bad, everything is normal, i have some difficulties on university, but it’s something i can overcome easly. He’s family doesn’t want him to be with white girl. That’s scaring me, very much actually. Even if he’s telling me that I must be crazy to think that he will leave me because of his family.. I’m still scared, because if there is such a statement, who know what will they come up with later.
But I love him. Love him like hell ;) And my hell with him will be our heaven.
Why some people are accusing us for something we didn’t do?
I don’t get that.. I thought that my life wasn’t that simple, i had many fights with my parents and back then i thought my life is miserable. Lol, that’s kinda funny now. Thinking about my youth time (no, i’m not that old yet:P) i think my life was kinda easy, hahaha. When i was madly in love with my first real boyfriend, I had one big rproblem.. – he was living about 5h by bus from my city… And guess what, my parents, after many disscusions let me go there.. and yup, i was like 15 at that time. Crazy? Yeaaaa.. When I’m thinking about that now, I know that I would never let my 15years old daughter to take a ride by bus and go visit her boyfriend.. NO WAY.
But back that time, I was thinking how ooold and how resposible I’m. Everytime my parents deny sth, didn’t let me go somewhere.. i was pissed like hell, claiming how brutal is this life, and how stupid my parents are to lock me in the house. Of course I wasn’t locked up, haha.
Now I’m about 7years older and smarter. And I don’t think that I’m an adult yet. Just more resposible person :P Again I’m madly with love with someone. Again this person lives far away from me.. maybe not 5h but still far enough to make me sad.
You think, that now it should be so easy for me, because I’m older, I don’t have to really ask anybody for permission, and I can earn money for what i want… But what if it’s not me who has the problem? My boyfriend’s family is just stupid. I shouldn’t think or say that, but that’s what i feel right now. They trully can’t understand him, they don’t even try to!! Just telling him what he should do.. “go to work” “study more” “drop studies” “give us your money” … Grrrrfff.. I’m pissed off sooo bad about that. I can’t do anything for him, even can’t hug him when i want he needs this…
I don’t know his family, and for now I don’t even want that.. I’m scaried that I would be so angry when meet them :|
Oi wrong… everything is wrong… :(
Toi khong biet nghi gi… Hom qua toi da di du tiec voi cac ban toi. Toi da uong ruou nhieu qua.. va ve nha bi say qua! Hom nay toi bi om… bi om lam :( Van.. toi khong the nghi. Anh trai toi quan tam toi rat nhieu. Anh ay da noi chuyen la toi phai nghi nhieu, ngu nhieu.. Nhung toi da muon noi chuyen voi anh ay.. mac du toi da nghi la toi se chet, toi muon noi voi anh ay… huuuh :| toi biet la anh ay quan tam bao nhieu la.. nhung khong the hieu sao toi phai di ngu.. haha.
toi ko the hieu con trai… ho nghi la.
toi khoc nhieu hom nay.. toi biet day la rat ngoc, nhung van khoc nhieu.. :( toi chi muon gap anh trai toi…
tai sao day la rat kho? sao anh ay o than pho khac? Sao that xa? :|
It’s often like that when you think that you are 100% right in some matter. But actually you are really wrong.
I have it really often lately.. I feel bad about it, because all what i do is just hurting myself and my love.. ;/ I don’t wanna do this anymore, but it’s just like that, flipping..
Sao em khong the cam tinh tot ngay hang? Sao em phai lam do rat ngu? Sao em chi ngoc qua, va khong the thay su that…???! Huh, em khong biet lam gi.. ;( Em co gang rat nhieu, nhung gi ca chi khong de cho em ;(
Em yeu nguoi yeu em rat nhieu, va nguoi yeu em cung yeu em vay, em biet ma. Nhung em chi ko the tim ra… co le day la vi sao em lam do rat ngoc, huh. Em cam thay la ;| Em ko the tim, vi em so qua! ;(((
Em that yeu anh ay.. that lam!!!!